Two Useful Skills I Learnt From Being A People-pleaser
I totally do not recommend this approach to life. It’s exhausting and can ultimately lead you to compromise on your values. But in my time as a people-pleaser, I’ve honed two skills that have come in handy in navigating relationships healthily.
I learnt to listen more. If you’re going to say only what people want to hear then, you’ll need to figure out what that is in the first place, and what better way to do this than by paying close attention to how people talk about themselves and their situations?
Listening helps a people-pleaser retain his street cred by helping him say the right things, but it’s also a helpful skill in building healthy relationships. It means you’ll give yourself a better chance of genuinely understanding people, resolving conflict and offering sound advice.
Subtly or blatantly pandering to people also meant I had to consider the things I was going to say intently. I couldn’t just blurt out all that came to mind. For a people-pleaser, this could mean withholding the truth from those you love and hurting them in the process.
But rightly applied, being slow to speak and speaking in a measured way can save you untold embarrassment, ensure you come across as empathetic and logical, and give you a better chance of reaching people with thoughtful words. These are all critical skills in building successful relationships, and what do you know, in presenting yourself in a good light (which is one of the goals people-pleasers optimize for)!
I guess you can say that all that time I spent trying to stay in people’s good books, whatever the cost, didn’t go to waste. So there you have it, further proof that good can come from the not-so-good (is it just me or is it heavy-handed to call people-pleasing evil?).
Day 12 of the Not Enough Writers 30-Day Writing Challenge
